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The Girl

Life is too beautiful for words. I sit here, happiness creates a crack in my throat and makes my stomach clench. It makes me want to take every breath all the more intently. It makes me lose sleep because being awake feels like a dream and not a nightmare anymore. I never believed I’d get here and at times I get frightened that this might be a stage in life that “too shall pass.” Except this season finally has a future that I’m not afraid of. This sense of joy…I know I’m going to be okay. This tingling feeling nudges me to press on, to hope, to finally hope again. I’m noticing that little girl again that hoped at one point. The girl who knew long ago what she needed to be; the girl who tried and the girl who failed. The girl who grew and grew tired of knocking on doors of vacant rooms. The girl who pushed through windows and got cut in the cracks. The girl who once felt insignificant; the girl once voiceless. The girl who was conflicted with love and hate and struggled to see the difference. The girl who finally cried help. The girl who needed healing and finally found she was worthy of it. The girl who survived. The girl who came alive. People ask why I’m so bold and free; it’s because I used to be that girl. It’s because I saw the light.

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