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2018

It’s been a while since I’ve written on this blog. I’ve been working on so many other things that it didn’t allow for me to give my full attention to the blog. I plan on being more consistent with blogging and I did not want to wait until the new year to start. I am not a huge fan of new year’s resolutions, so instead of filling up this blog with aspirations for the next year, I’m going retrospect. I am taking a look at this year since it has been the most amazing year of my life. This time last year, it had been one year of living in Austin and I had zero friends in this city. People ask me what got me into modeling and creating; and if I am being completely honest; it was loneliness. I had so much time on my plate that I blogged almost daily and began to incorporate fashion as well (it was all just writing before). I decided to go full force on the fashion blogging and tossed every self-doubt out the window. Eventually, I made a few connections virtually through Instagram that inspired me to work harder and use every resource available. I eventually gained creative connections through Instagram. After a few photographers reached out for me to model, I found a huge passion for it. And this is when I learned to take what is meant for me; when I finally tossed out my security blanket. I understood that I had to put myself out there to make something happen. Lacking in friends definitely helped; I didn’t have much to lose. After bailing on two creative meetups, I dragged myself to my first meetup and introduced myself as a model to a group of complete strangers. The rest is history. I made amazing friends that constantly inspire and support me. Opportunities opened up and I now get to create with a group of creative geniuses and work hard for a dream I can envision. I was able to return to school in the fall and enlighten the high key nerd that I am. To close off the year, I was able to visit my hometown in California after two years. I was reunited with old friendships and overwhelmed by joy in seeing how much they’ve grown, and how it still felt like I never left. I was able to get to know familiar faces, I got to feel the ocean sand between my toes. This year I was able to find freedom. I learned to be entirely myself without apologizing. I learned that nothing is a waste. Every heartbreak, every failure, every personal attack, and every wound exposed a strength to fight back. A strength that let me see how beautiful life is; too beautiful to be limited by someone else. I took the pen and stopped letting someone else write my story. I found beauty in brokenness and connection in vulnerability. I stopped picking at my imperfections and found grace was enough to refine them. I forgave myself for what I couldn’t control. I found joy in redemption; I found God in the solitary silence. I stopped feeling empty. I found fulfillment in loving selflessly when society opposed such notion. I learned to love selflessly while practicing self-love. I stopped letting other voices silence mine. I finally understood I had a purpose, and life was a journey worth figuring out.

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